I blame it on Topamax...

Ok, here it is. The top stories many of you have been waiting for!! Others can relive the hilarity and be embarrassed for me again. There were way too many happenings for me to share everything, so here are the more disturbing behaviors that helped my doctor and I decide this medicine was ruining my life. Enjoy!!

Couch:

One afternoon while watching TV, I paused the show I was watching because it occurred to me that I was not wearing my seat belt. I dug around for a little bit between the couch cushions looking for it, and when I could not find it I got up and began throwing all the cushions, blankets, pillows, and dogs off the couch in search of it. After a little while of looking it just hit me that there is no seat belt on a couch. I was fine after that. I put my couch back together and proceeded to watch TV like nothing had happened. It wasn't until a couple hours later that it really hit me at what a problem that really was.

Door:

I was trying to go to the main office at school one day and I couldn't figure out how to get out of the clinic. I stood at the closed door for a long time just looking at it. The lady that was working with me that day asked if I was ok. I just laughed and told her I couldn't figure out how to get out. (Luckily she has taken this medicine before so she knows how loopy it makes people.) She laughed and after teasing me a couple minutes walked me through pushing down on the handle, then pushing the door open. When I came back she had the door propped open for me...probably a good call.

Speech:

This was always a problem when I was put on the spot. 

We had gone to a fundraiser for a school where my husband's band played. I rode with the wives. When we got there Justin told me where everyone was sitting because the band was already playing (he does sound, recording, photography, etc.). The ladies asked me where everyone was sitting. As I pointed to each chair and told them who was sitting in each seat they gave me stranger and stranger looks. Apparently I just said random names that didn't belong to anyone in our group as I pointed to each chair. 

It really affected work when I called 911 for a student and the paramedic asked me what her name was and I couldn't tell him. I had absolutely no words. My mind went blank.

Another problem at work was a principal was asking me about a condition a student had. Every time I tried to say dysmenorrhea (pain during the menstrual cycle) I said dysentery (inflammation of intestines that causes severe diarrhea). I knew that wasn't right, he knew that wasn't right, and we would both laugh because they are nothing alike. After about 5 tries, I just had to show him her record and apologize for messing it up. 

It's one thing to do this at home or with friends and laugh it off...I was fine with that. It did become quite comical. I became VERY frustrated when it started happening at work and there was nothing I could do but stand there and apologize for my behavior. I felt like I was always making excuses.

Wal-Mart:

I stopped at Wal-Mart on my way home from work one day to quickly pick up a few things. I wanted to hurry to get home to watch the Ranger game that started at 3:15. I went through the self checkout line that I NEVER have trouble with. My total came up to $5.04. I had 4 $1 bills, 4 quarters, and 4 pennies. I inserted the dollar bills first, then opened my coin holder and spotted all the pennies grouped together. I typically would have put the quarters in next, but because the pennies were all together (ladies, what are the odds of that ever happening?) I put them in next. I found my quarters and put them in last. After inserting my quarters I realized it said I still owed $1. It had not accepted my quarters. I pushed the change return button and got nothing...no quarters and no pennies. I stopped one of the workers coming by and told her what had happened. She opened the machine and all the change goes into the same bucket so there is no way of being able to tell what money I had put in there. She does a total refund and it gives back 4 $1 bills and 4 pennies. She put a quarter in to see if the machine had something wrong with accepting quarters...when she did the machine accepted it and took a quarter off my total.

At this point I start thinking back on the process of every single thing I have done since I've entered the store. Step by step by step. She has called another man over and they are looking at the machine and my purchase and what I have "said" I put in the machine. I know at this point they think I didn't have enough money and probably made up the story. I'm up to replaying the events of checking out in my head when she hands me my receipt. She had taken 4 quarters out of the change bucket and paid off my bill. As I'm walking out I keep asking myself if I really put the quarters in the machine. To this day I think I did, but to what % of  certainty I think that, I cannot even begin to tell you. I really think I did put the quarters in...but there have been times over the past month that I really thought with 100% certainty that I took my medicine or fed my dogs only to turn around and look down and hadn't done it. So to tell you I think I put the $1 in...in my mind doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot. I went home so overwhelmed and upset over just not knowing that I missed the first part of the game. I know the Rangers won, but I don't know a lot of the details from that game. 

Soooooo

If I have said anything that offended anyone in the past month, please forgive me. I probably do not even remember saying it. If my behavior has offended you, please forgive me...as you can see I wasn't always in control. This is just the icing on the cake. Things like this happened on a daily basis for over a month. Ask anyone that spent any amount of time around me and they can tell you!! Especially Justin when I blamed his alarm clock going off at the wrong time one night on him playing an April Fool's joke on me. 

I'm ready to move on with life and have some semblance of saneness back. I'm ready for order to be restored to my world and for things to be organized again. I know that I have to do it at the cost of a daily headache for now and that has me in the dumps at the moment, but I pray daily that something will change. I just don't understand why Fibromyalgia started out of no where almost 4 years ago and now daily headaches going on 8 months. I don't know what God's plan is, but I'm at a point of frustration with Him right now. I feel like so many prayers are going up about it and no improvements are being made. Just steps backward, none even forward toward improvement. I'm not giving up and I'm not "depressed" over it. I'm just venting frustration over the whole situation. I'm tired of coming home to lay down every day. I want to walk my dogs, blog, read, maybe take up quilting, do yoga, visit with my grandmas...I want to do the things that we don't take time to do while life flies by. But all I feel like doing is lying as still as possible. Sigh.